....Really? You're kidding, right?

So the other day was a semi okay day. Brian promised that we would be able to go to the mall for the whole day after picking up the last of our paycheck, which I was really happy and surprised about. He hates malls and never likes going to them. I don't really like going to them either but they're fun to just go in and chill for a few hours or whatever. So we get there and the first thing he wants is food. Typical guy. So we go to the food court and he can't decide what he wants to eat. Like at all. We seriously must've walked in and out of line about 10 times in the span of a few minutes. Finally I just said f it, sat down and made him make a decision. We finally got our food and I told him I wanted to get professionally sized at Victoria's Secret. He threw a bit of a bitch fit about it so I said, okay geezus christ never mind. We finish eating our food and he he drags me into VS with him and I'm like wtf? You said you didn't want to do this so I let it go and now you're dragging me into her after I said to forget about it? I hate it when he does that. It's seriously one of the most annoying things about him. Anyways, I get sized and find out, not only have I grown, but I'm also 2 cup sizes bigger than I though I was. I mean, c'mon everyone can tell I have big boobs from how small I am. It's no secret but to be this big? I hate how big they are already but really? Oh hell nahh. Now I know genetics are fucking with me.After walking around for a few hours, and another argument later, we ended up going into a lingerie store and yeah....I signed my own death certificate by telling him he can come back without me and buy everything and anything he wants. I really should've kept my mouth shut...but the way his face lit up was so hysterical I had to turn away so I wouldn't laugh. He then had me try on these thigh-high boots and by his face I could tell he wanted me really bad and right now. It's fun torturing him. It's not my fault for some God awful reason he thinks I'm incredibly sex and irresistibly. I feel sorry for him really. I mean....after hearing about what his last girlfriend is like and how similar they are, I feel like he deserves someone like her. Someone that's not so different than him like I am. I feel like, if she didn't leave him for his best friend, they should be together. Almost like they're perfect for each other...like they belong together. He hates when I say it but I can't help but think it's true. I mean we argue all the time about the stupidest shit, it's not even funny. Sometimes I think he would be much better off without me. Doesn't matter if he's with someone else or not...just not having me in his life would make him happier somehow eventually. I feel like I should let him go, but I'm too scared to. Call me selfish, but I don't want to live without him. Honestly I don't know if I could live without him. He treats me better than any guy I've ever been with but I can't shake the feeling that he's going to leave me. I don't know if it's just paranoia because of me past or it it's just a premonition of the future. I hope it's just my paranoia.