I'm just going to come out and say it. As of right now, it's official; Brian and my engagement is over as of last night. It was a mutual agreement and at the moment, we're just friends. It all started when Brian got called into work last night, like he always does, and not only ruined our plans yet again but this one caused me to finally snap and just break down and tell him everything I've been feeling recently. So I told him exactly how I felt about his job, our relationship, my feelings, the depression and suicide thoughts, how I should expect he will leave everyday for work now even on his supposed "days off", and how I feel that we shouldn't make plans to do anything together anymore because they always get interrupted or canceled because of his job. Well, me telling him I've been beyond miserable and have had suicidal thoughts on a daily basis for several months now and the honest to God theory that I don't think I have a heart left to give him after all the bullshit and heartbreak I've been through in my life, led him to propose we break off the engagement until we're both ready for this and then maybe try again in a few years or so.
But don't worry! There is some good news out of this! We talked about it a little over the phone while he was at work, and we're going to discuss what's going to happen next and we might not break it off completely after all when he gets home from work tonight. And if that doesn't work, I have a feeling that our week in Tahoe for his birthday next week, where he is going to accept no work-related phone calls, will straighten things out.
But don't worry! There is some good news out of this! We talked about it a little over the phone while he was at work, and we're going to discuss what's going to happen next and we might not break it off completely after all when he gets home from work tonight. And if that doesn't work, I have a feeling that our week in Tahoe for his birthday next week, where he is going to accept no work-related phone calls, will straighten things out.
