Okay, so I'm in the middle of trying to plan a wedding right? Everyone knows how that shit goes; stressful, a lot of arguments, even more planning and drama up the ass. Can be fun, but usually isn't. Anyways, Brian has this cousin, Caitlin, that we only recently learned she's related to him. I really wish we didn't but oh well. Caitlin has this...I don't know what it is really but there's something in her that compels her to control everything not only in her life, but in other people's lives too. She legitly has tried to break Brian and I up and actually succeeded in breaking up our friend's engagement as well. She makes up the most ridiculous things just to get people to do what she wants and creates unnecessary drama. The worst part about it is she only ever does it to Brian. Like he really needs that stress. Not in the condition he's in or with his medical problems. But then again he does stress and worry and fret about nothing most of the time anyway. But not too long ago, we got into this huge fight with them and finally we just said fuck it. We don't want to be friends with you guys anymore and we didn't talk to them for the longest time, until finally one day Brian got a message on Facebook from Caitlin's husband Cody saying he wants to be friends again. He had to create a different account and used a different name, but there was no mistaking the picture, no matter how much he blurred it. We had a long talk about it, then finally we decided we're going to be the nice people and give them one more shot. So we did and.........all goes well for about a week, and then your coffin begins to leak. The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out. The worms play pinochle in your snout, They eat your eyes, they eat your nose, they eat the jelly between your toes. A big green worm with rolling eyes crawls in your stomach and out your eyes.....sorry the sentence I was going to write made me think of that song I learned in 5th grade. A bit morbid for a 5th grader to be singing about death don't you think? Anyways so for a few months there was no drama or anything, at least none that I know of. But then the other day, Caitlin and Cody show up at Brian's house and they decide to come over to my house and pick me up. We end up going to target first where we got food and were there for some reason I don't even remember, but we ended up in the candle aisle. From there we decided to go to the Yankee Candle store in the mall and while we were there, we were going to go to a dress shop to pick out colours for the wedding and see the different dress sizes. So we went to the mall and picked up their cousin Chelsea, who I have no problem with because she's like uber cool, on the way there. I told them, I want to be home around 7-7:30 so I can watch the Sharks game. They were like "Okay, we can get you home by then." So I was all for going. We ended up staying at Chelsea's house for about an hour and then when we went to the mall, Caitlin decided it would be a great idea to try on wedding dresses while we were at Jessica McClintock looking for colours for the wedding. I tried on a few when in the back of my mind I just wanted to leave and go home. While in the store, Caitlin proclaimed herself to be one of my bridesmaids. No offense to Caitlin or anything, but I really don't want her apart of my bridal party. Bridesmaids are supposed to be a girl's best friends and she isn't one of them. In all honesty, if I knew she wouldn't cause such a huge fit about it and cause a lot of unnecessary drama over it, I wouldn't want her at my wedding at all. especially since I know she's going to try to put herself in the middle of everything and try to, once again, take control of something that she shouldn't be. I mean seriously? You honestly think proclaiming yourself to be one of my bridesmaids is going to make you one? No, not even by a long shot. I already have my bridesmaids (two of which are guys!) and there's no room for another one. Obviously Sierra is going to be my maid of honor. That much is a given. But I also want Alie, who I've been best friends with since 3rd grade, and Amanda who I just recently met to be there. and then my boys are going to be the last two. Brian wants 5 groomsmen, so I get 5 bridesmaids. I really, really, REALLY don't want Caitlin to be one of them.But Cody is one of the groomsmen, so I don't have a choice in it. I just feel like she's either going to start something at the wedding, try to make the whole day to be about her or try to sabotage the wedding in some way. I don't know, I just have a really bad feeling about it. The hardest part is trying to bring it up to Brian about my concerns, but I don't know how to say "Hey, I don't want your cousin at our wedding so you should pick a new best man." Yeah, not going to happen.

So today I found out my parents are leaving the state for the weekend to go to a concert and I'm going to be home alone with the cats and dogs and the fish. I know most of you are thinking "Whoo! Rager at my house!" right? No. I don't do that shit. I mean yeah, it's going to be great having my parents gone for 5 days so I can ya know, catch a break and finally breathe without them on my ass about everything I do. I'm actually really happy about this except for all the rules they set for when they're gone. Example: I'm not allowed to have anybody over, but I can't stay out for more than 6 hours because I need to take care of the dogs....since I don't have a car I don't have a choice but walk/take the bus to where I need to go and it usually takes me about 2 hours one way to get to Brian's house. So essentially, they want me to go there, stay for a little bit then turn around and go straight home. I mean, c'mon people! I have a social life too! You seriously can't expect me to completely put my social life on hold just because of the dogs! They're lazy-asses anyways. All they do is sleep on the couches, eat, wake up for treats that they're not getting from me and then go back to sleep. It's not going to kill them to be outside for a day! And this whole bullshit about not wanting anyone over is just no. You may think my #1 responsibility is going to be to the dogs, but honestly I made plans with my friends before I even knew you were leaving. Why? Because this weekend was the only week that would work for all of our schedules. I'm not going to cancel my plans I made a while ago just because you don't want anyone over because of a reason that doesn't even get explained to me. That's another thing that pisses me off. I mean honestly, if you're going to tell someone to not do something you better have a damn good reason why they shouldn't do it and that "Because I said so" shit doesn't cut it. I want a legit answer as to why I can't do something. If you can't give me one, then I'm sorry but that means you don't have a legit reason as to why I can't and what you don't want to happen is going to happen. The "because I said so" doesn't work, neither does the "because I'm the parent so what I say goes." No, just...no. Just because you're older than me doesn't mean shit okay? That doesn't automatically mean you know everything and I know nothing. Granted there are some things I don't know, yes, but that's only because I haven't experienced them yet. Just because you apparently went through the same thing when you were my age or whatever doesn't mean it's the same exact situation that will result in the same exact outcome. Something that worked for you might not work for someone else and vice versa. What I don't understand is why do parents teach us the lesson of "You learn from your mistakes". I think parent's shouldn't teach their kids that. Why? Because parents have the uncanny nact to try to do everything in their power from stopping their kids from making mistakes. If they do that...then how are we supposed to learn anything and/or gain experiences? You see what I'm saying? All I'm saying is, if you're going to teach your kids that, let them make mistakes. It's human nature to do that. Humans, by design, are not perfect. Far from it really. We make mistakes all the freaking time! And chances are, if they don't like the outcome, they're not going to do it again either! -gasps- wow, what a concept! But in all seriousness, controlling people is no bueno either.

So the other day was a semi okay day. Brian promised that we would be able to go to the mall for the whole day after picking up the last of our paycheck, which I was really happy and surprised about. He hates malls and never likes going to them. I don't really like going to them either but they're fun to just go in and chill for a few hours or whatever. So we get there and the first thing he wants is food. Typical guy. So we go to the food court and he can't decide what he wants to eat. Like at all. We seriously must've walked in and out of line about 10 times in the span of a few minutes. Finally I just said f it, sat down and made him make a decision. We finally got our food and I told him I wanted to get professionally sized at Victoria's Secret. He threw a bit of a bitch fit about it so I said, okay geezus christ never mind. We finish eating our food and he he drags me into VS with him and I'm like wtf? You said you didn't want to do this so I let it go and now you're dragging me into her after I said to forget about it? I hate it when he does that. It's seriously one of the most annoying things about him. Anyways, I get sized and find out, not only have I grown, but I'm also 2 cup sizes bigger than I though I was. I mean, c'mon everyone can tell I have big boobs from how small I am. It's no secret but to be this big? I hate how big they are already but really? Oh hell nahh. Now I know genetics are fucking with me.After walking around for a few hours, and another argument later, we ended up going into a lingerie store and yeah....I signed my own death certificate by telling him he can come back without me and buy everything and anything he wants. I really should've kept my mouth shut...but the way his face lit up was so hysterical I had to turn away so I wouldn't laugh. He then had me try on these thigh-high boots and by his face I could tell he wanted me really bad and right now. It's fun torturing him. It's not my fault for some God awful reason he thinks I'm incredibly sex and irresistibly. I feel sorry for him really. I mean....after hearing about what his last girlfriend is like and how similar they are, I feel like he deserves someone like her. Someone that's not so different than him like I am. I feel like, if she didn't leave him for his best friend, they should be together. Almost like they're perfect for each other...like they belong together. He hates when I say it but I can't help but think it's true. I mean we argue all the time about the stupidest shit, it's not even funny. Sometimes I think he would be much better off without me. Doesn't matter if he's with someone else or not...just not having me in his life would make him happier somehow eventually. I feel like I should let him go, but I'm too scared to. Call me selfish, but I don't want to live without him. Honestly I don't know if I could live without him. He treats me better than any guy I've ever been with but I can't shake the feeling that he's going to leave me. I don't know if it's just paranoia because of me past or it it's just a premonition of the future. I hope it's just my paranoia.

So today marks one of the worst days I've had in a while. I went from having 3 jobs down to having just 1. My dreams of moving out of my parent's house anytime soon has been slashed. What's worse is that I didn't know I lost my second job until AFTER I got there because the tutoring company I work for didn't even have the decency to tell me that my clients called them and said they don't need me anymore. I mean c'mon you fucking assholes. Granted my phone still doesn't have service but those fuckers have my e-mail address and could've shot me an e-mail or something! They can't pretend to not have it because I've been e-mailing the district director AND have met her in person before too! Geezus Christ it's like people have no common curtsey or common sense anymore! I'm just so......GNAHH!!!!!!!!!!! I really want to shoot or punch something but I won't because I know it won't solve anything. People really piss me off sometimes.

So I finished writing my research report in like 3 hours and managed to turn it in a day early :D Yeah that's right. I'm that boss. Personally I think I sucked balls at it and most likely failed it because I didn't do it right because no one really taught me how to write one in the first place, but hey, it's better than getting a 0 on it.Funny thing that happened yesterday....no it was Tuesday, Brain took me into the local anime shop, Anime 101, because he wanted me to look at the dice sets (which are like never going to be used). So I was like....no. but he pulled me inside anyways. We get in there and I was like in anime overload. I know that's the purpose of the shop but come on people? Nobody can seriously stand that much anime at a time....okay that's not true. I know a few people, like Sierra, that can but still. I'm not one of them. So I was following Brian around the store and I said out loud, "Geezus Christ, is this like an anime orgasm for people like Sierra?" Brian started laughing and I could hear the owner of the store trying not to laugh either. It was an honest question, but whatever. sadly, I have no ranting for tonight. Life has been pretty mellow. Sharks are on tomorrow and my parents are going to be gone, sowe get the house to ourselves so I'm really excited :)

So over the past few days, I've been staying up so late I pass out for exhaustion and stressing myself so much over the face I have a really important paper due tomorrow....well, technically today, for my English class. Essentially what it's about is you get to pick a famous writer of your choice and analyze how their life influenced their work. This "writer" could be anything from a poet to a lyricist to a novelist to a short story writer to a play-write. They just had to be a creative writer.I thought this was interesting, so I chose the author of a book I'm currently obsessed with called Wish You Were Here by Vincent M. Wales. It's about this boy names (consequently) Vincent that lives in modern-day Pennsylvania. Well, technically about 10 years ago since they still listened to cassette tapes.Anyways, he is magically transported to another world by a witch because she wants him for his dick. I'm not kidding! She literally brought him to her world just to have sex with him so she can have kids. Anyways, she erases his memory and deserts him in this world. The story is essentially about him living in this world full of mythical creatures like elves, witches, gnomes, mages, trolls, giants, etc. and meeting people that become good friends of his and three girls he falls in love with (one of which turns out to be his daughter he unknowingly had with the witch). He goes on many adventures, goes through a lot of shit, acquires one hell of a fortune that would instantly but Bill Gates to shame, has to kill his son (that is his daughter's twin) that is desperately trying to kill his friends to torture him, then kill his father because his sister fell in love with Vincent and essentially goes on to be a legend. Really epic shit man. Half of the paper is supposed to be about the author himself, but unfortunately not much is known about him since he's only known at Ren Fair and through the fantasy novels community. So majority of the paper is going to be on the book itself. Which sucks. Big time. Why? I hate analyzing shit. It gives me headaches and I'm usually wrong anyways. Fortunately, he makes it easy to understand. It's essentially what he would love for his life to be like when he plays D&D. Easy enough. You understand the author and you instantly get the book, and knowing what I know about him, it really does make sense. THANK GEEZUS HE MADE THIS SO EASY FOR ME! Most of this stress is due to one little itty bitty factoid that's just a tad bit important. You know, just a wee bit. Yeah, that's because I haven't even finished reading the book yet. I just know what happens because I have the bad habit of reading ahead. I really should get back to that and then b.s. my way through my paper. I really hope I don't epically fail my paper.

So today, I had a great day with Brian and my best friend Sierra. I haven't seen her in a while since we're both busy with work plus I have school too, so it was a great day. Then my mom gets home. Sierra doesn't really like my mom anymore since she blamed Sierra for my behavior when I moved out suddenly and unexpectedly earlier this year. Because since Sierra was the one that introduced us, obviously everything was her fault. Yeah right. Anyways, Sierra's trying to play it nice with her but you can obviously tell she wants to hit her. So she has to go home and Brain and I drop her off. No big. Brain and I get back home and we make dinner. My mom is in the family room watching American Idol and making extremely rude comments about the contestants and the judges. Like when Jada was performing, she wouldn't stop saying how he;s nothing but a "fucking queer" that "can't sing" and has "no business being on that stage". And then she wouldn't stop going off about what a "dumb bimbo bitch" Mariah Carey is and how she "has no real talent" because nobody "cares about her" except for her boobs and hair. First of all, no matter who you are, what you believe or where you live, calling someone a queer will always be disrespectful. Even if you believe homosexuality is a sin, you still know calling someone a queer is disrespectful. Whether you care or not, you still know. Second, obviously he has talent is he can make it to the final 10. Whether you like his voice or not is a different story. Third, you may not like her, but I'm thinking Mariah Carey is much better than you and more successful at her job since...oh wait. You don't have one. Unless...is there a job title for living off someone else while having no way to support yourself in any way and just completely depend on them? Oh, yeah it's called being a mooch. I'm not saying marriages are bad, it's just marriages are supposed to be partnerships. Not you sponging off your partner, spending all their money on worthless shit like another new purse every time you find a cute one even though you have 50 million perfectly good ones already or another pair of shoes to "keep up with the fashions" because you're getting old and desperately trying to hold on to your youth. Honestly, it's just sad when she tries too hard to look young. Mariah Carey doesn't have to try since she isn't fat like my mom is. Call me harsh, but it's the truth. She bitches enough about it anyways.Fourth, Jada has every right to be on that stage. Just because he wears heels, wears make up and dresses like a woman doesn't make him non-human. In fact I applaud him for going out there and taking that risk to accomplish his dream. Obviously, he's there for a reason since the judges like him enough to keep him. They don't give a damn what he looks like. He can be a blob of slimy green goo for all they care. The only thing they really care about his the voice and their singing talents, both of which my mother doesn't have. And her little comment about how she can do their job better is complete and utter bullshit. She has no idea what the difference between flat and sharp is or even if someone is singing in the right octave for that matter. If you can't tell that, then something is definitely wrong with your hearing. Fifth, there is a difference between expressing your First Amendment right and being flat out rude and obnoxious. The difference is a little something called morals and common courtesy. Crap I'm having a brain derp...what's that one thing you're taught when your little about being rude?...Oh yeah. It's called "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." Unfortunately my mom doesn't have a filter and it's the most annoyingest shit in the world. She honestly doesn't know when to bite her lip and not say anything. Even after a while Brain said she was starting to piss him off. So then, my mom asks us to clean up the kitchen because she doesn't feel it's right that she should clean it up after she made a huge mess cleaning chili and never tells my dad off for never doing the dishes. He just comes out of his man-cave, dumps his dishes into the sink and expects someone else to clean them. It pisses me off to no end because I refuse to clean up after other people. You're a big boy. Your arms aren't broken. You can clean up your dishes yourself. I ain't going to do it for you. The funny thing is, parents are so damn hypocritical. They tell you when your growing up to fight for what you believe in. It's always the right thing to do. Well, when you grow older and what you believe in goes against them, you do exactly what they taught you and fight for your beliefs and you get yelled at like there's no tomorrow. Like, holy shit man. I'm only doing what you taught me! So honestly, I tell her that. I told her flat out I'm not going to clean up after your mess. I'll clean the dishes Brian and I used, but yours and the ones dad used are staying in the sink. Eventually Brian begs me to do it just to make her shut up, so I reluctantly do. Then dad comes home and Brian and I are up in my room. We hear my mom talking to herself again, which is really common. Yes, we believe my mom is mentally insane. Anyways, she's saying some shit like "You won this round Jenae" or whatever. I have no idea. I was mostly asleep. I heard a few "fucking"s in there but I have no idea what she said, I tend to ignore her when she talks to herself. Anyways, Brian has to leave a bit later. Dad is standing in the archway to the man-cave when he leaves and tells me "Brian isn't allowed to come over anymore." I look at him and ask "Why?" He says, "Your mom is still pissed off at whatever you did earlier." By this time, I'm looking out the window to make sure he makes it off safely. My dad takes that for I'm completely ignoring him, so he asks "Did you hear me?" I say "yes, I'm just trying to think of what I did wrong this time. I honestly did nothing wrong." "Okay, well until you and your mom are best friends, Brina isn't allowed over here. Starting tomorrow. No more disrespect." He walks out of the room and rudely shuts the light off in the room I was in. I was like dude, you've got to be kidding me. He then walks into the family room and starts talking to my mother. I hear him say "I told her. Happy now?" And I'm like wow, really? Mom starting bitching about me AGAIN and now Brain's not allowed to come over again. Pathetic. So I say, fuck this shit. I want to go to sleep. So I walk upstairs and turn my laptop on so I know Brian got home safely. When he got on Facebook, I told him about what's going on. I asked him if he wanted to Skype so it would make this go faster and he said okay. So we literally just got on when my mom walks into my room and shuts the door behind her and is standing by the door just staring at me. I say "What?" and Brian thought I was talking to him so he asked "What?" back. My mom then tells me to turn my computer off. I'm thinking hell no. Not happening. So I turn my speakers off and shut the laptop and ask her again "What's up?" She keeps insisting I turn my laptop off and I keep giving her a weird look like one of those "what are you up to?" kind of looks.Anyways, she notices how I'm laying on my side across my bed so my feet are dangling off the edge. She then asks "Are you comfortable?" in an extremely sweet voice. and I gave her an even weirder look. I have no idea what the fuck is going on at this point. Before I can say anything else, she just walks out of my room and goes back downstairs. I'm still confused as all hell to this point and that happened a few hours ago. What I think was about to happen is mom was about to yell at me for something or hit me and when she heard Brian's voice she changed her mind because she didn't want him to hear it. Truthfully, I'm a bit scared for the morning but there's nothing really I can do about it.

So the past few days have been interesting. After a lot of bitching on my part, Brian finally took me out to celebrate Valentines Day. I showed him the day before...actually a few days ago a video about Valentines Day that was hella funny. Don't worry, I posted it below. Anyways, the one thing it says not to do is go do dinner and a movie. Guess what he does? Yep, he takes me to dinner and a movie! Not only that, but he takes me to Red Robbin, which is famous for their burgers. Not a dream place for VEGETARIANS like myself to visit (I actually disproved that since their garden burgers are hella bomb!) and I know the only real reason we went there is because his dad's girlfriend gave us a gift card to there the day before. But hey. we're kinda just a little bit dirt poor at the moment...and by "just a little bit" I mean a lot...but there's nothing we can really do about it right now so going to Red Robin wasn't so bad. He, being is usual paranoid self, had to sit in the corner so he could see everything one and everything. And I'm getting really distracted watching Shane Dawson TV. I can't help it. He's so hilarious! Moving on, the date went fine, then he decided to take me to see Warm Bodies. Super hilarious movie. It really is. He mostly wanted to see it because he is beyond convinced the zombie apocalypse is going to happen. I wanted to see it because R (the main zombie) is so goddamn hot and yes I did tell him that. He just rolled his eyes at me. he did the same thing when I told him I love Reid (Matthew Gray Gulber) from Criminal Minds and think he's hot as hell too....and Gale (Liam Hemsworth) from the Hunger Games....and Thor (Chris Hemsworth) from the Avengers...no wonder he gets so jealous. It's not my fault they're so hot. I mean my God, look at him! And he has so many funny faces! Granted, he looks better not a zombie and so pale at the end, but he's still pretty hot either way! Anyways, the day was fine. Monday, literally nothing interesting happened. Today, I accidentally slipped on the stairs and ended up falling down them. For some reason Brian blames himself because he "could've prevented it" but we both know there was nothing he could've done anyways. I banged my elbow up pretty bad then I ended up slipping on the tile on the porch and hit my knee hard enough to pop it out of the socket. Yeah, today really is just one of those days where it seems like the world just hates you.

Whoo! So as you can blatantly see, it's my first post. Celebration time! Okay, so I'm writing this assuming everyone has read the bio section, so you know a bit about Brian. What you don't know, that was really stupid to mention since it's a huge part of him and not hard to miss, is this kid shouldn't have been born in this time period, or even this planet for that matter. Okay, so maybe not that far, but it sure as hell feels like it sometimes. Alright, so check this out, Brian is the type of person that likes to make everything he can and buy only the necessities until he can learn how to make that too. This boy hates electronics, just absolutely hates them.Oh, get this, he's a walking contradiction. Hell yeah he is. Listen to this: he can't stand computers, but can make one a billion times better than any computer you can buy at Fry's or Best Buy. He hates cars and everything to do with them, but drives everywhere he goes. Doesn't like the idea of iPods or cell phones or any other electronic device really, but never leaves home without them. Weird right? He cracks me up. In all seriousness, he belongs in the 17th century. He's even told me that's where he would rather be born in...bastard...anyways, I found something out about him today; HE'S ONE HELL OF A CHARISMATIC PERSON WITH THE PERSUASION POWER OF A GOD. I am not shitting you or exaggerating this. This kid (ha, it's kinds funny how I call him a kid when really he's older than me XD) is the biggest nerd/geek/dork/whatever I've ever known, even bigger than my best friend which is a pretty damn high standers to pass up. Anyways, he loves to play D&D. For those of you who have no idea what the hell I''m talking about because you've never heard of it before or you're one of those people who have heard of it but don't know what that is exactly, read the next few sentences. Otherwise, skip ahead. For those of you that don't know, D&D is a role playing game. It's basically the nerd game that's in the TV shows where the school outcasts are in the basement playing that one dice rolling game and pretending to cast spells at other people and shit like that...yeah, that's what I'm living with. See, my best friend Sierra has been playing the game for about 3 years now and has always tried to get me to play with her. I essentially laughed in her face and said no. She of course took no offense to it, since we do that to each other all the time. Consequently I meet Brian through Sierra because they game together, so naturally the bastard tries to get me to game with him too. He get's really upset with me and throws a fit when I call it a nerd game or when I say he's "geeking out" when playing it. So anyways, I relented for many months but finally today I told him I'd play just to get him to shut the hell up about it. First of all, making a character when you have no idea what the hell you're doing is the biggest pain in my ass. Secondly, I have no idea most of the shit he said today because he was speaking geek to me, like literally. Thirdly, he's the biggest bitch of a DM because he had everything in the world plus more attack me for no apparent reason except for he felt like it. Fourth, I found something out today, I already don't like this game because of one key element. Wanna know what that is? I can't stand role playing. Not only do I epically suck at it, but I also don't like...nay HATE the uncomfortable feeling it brings. I don't care if you say/think I'll get better with time and learn to love it. Stop. No just...no. You don't know me or how my mind works. I do and I know for a fact I'm not going to like role playing because I've always hated acting. I don't like the feeling of trying to pretend to be someone else. It's too much work and it's pretty damn hard! You can't answers questions the way you would like to. Oh no, you have to do it the way your character would, and if you're just developing a character it's excruciatingly hard. I already have enough shit on my plate from school and work. Stupid memory already has me behind in school and I'm now working three jobs 5 days a week and pretty soon that'll be 6 days a week. And I'm not even getting that many hours! Anyways, I should get going. We're celebrating our Valentines Day tomorrow (finally!)